Days like today I feel so blessed. I feel so lucky to have everything that I have. I hope for everyone at one point in there life to cry tears of joy for at that exact moment, life couldn`t get any better. As I look at the world around me I know I`ve lucked out. I have worked damn hard to get to where I am but its not every day things fall into place as well as they have for me. Its for all those small things, that make the bigger things slip away.
Today was long but fantastic to say the least. We had spent all day with my grandmother who was visiting from a near by city. We had my parents and her here for lunch and thats always really nice to get family together. I love spending time with my grandmother, who herself had raised two kids the same age difference of mine. Shes filled with stories of my father at my sons age and how he was so spirited while my uncle would be satisfied with a book to read and something pretty to look at, similar to the personalities of my two children.
After all was said and done I read a book to my son at bed time and watched him slip into sleep after a long day while his sister squiggled and squirmed around his bedroom floor. I took my daughter with me and returned downstairs where I lay her on the couch and began to sing a song from the radio. I looked at her, as she stared off with a smile on her face, goos and gaas, and all those wonderful noises her 6 month old voice can make. The song on the radio sang of growing up to fast and all the times well spent. Then it happened, I started to well with tears. I kissed her soft sweet smelling forehead and cried like a baby, oh god Im a sucker for a good tune and a cute face. I said out loud, I cant wait to be a grandmother, great grandmother. To think that I carried, birthed and will raise people. not just babies and children but people that will one day become adults. nourished with my body, fed upon my chest, raised in my house.
I thought of my son once being so small and innocent. Before he strung words together to make sentences, which quickly grew to his catch phrases, story telling and creativity. Before he ran, jumped or told jokes. Before he could Build, sing or dance! these past three years, almost four including pregnancy have been the most fulfilling moments. When I first realized i was with child, first time around I didn`t know what to expect. I could have never imagined how much I would grow, change and Learn. How much my heart and soul would be nourished. We have our days, filled with stress tears and overwhelming moments but its the small things.
(the tiniest things like when my son said to his sister tonight “welcome, welcome from mommys belly“ six months over due but at least he said it right?.)
I never knew time would go by so fast. I try to frezee frame these moments. I know one day when my sons out past curfew, or my daughter fights to do her homework I can think of the time she first giggled, or when my son gave me a stick of pretend gum. I have a pretty great memory, the earliest memory I have would be of my father returning home from a work trip and buying me a little mermaids bed set I remember hugging him, and hugging my new Ariel pillow tight that night so proud of my new gift. My mother claims I was only three years old at the time. To think the time we share and the fun we have will live on in my childrens memories forever. That I myself was once that young, in my mothers arms and here I am now with my own children.
Threw all the bad, I see the good in my children. For they could be anything they want to be. They will always be everything to me, but who knows who they will be to this world or to someone else. Who they will change, whose lives they will effect. These are the big things, that all those small things add up to. The big things that matter, not the bills or the rough days. the bigger picture of life we that we seem to lose with things that shouldn’t consume us so much. throughout all these struggles there will always be hope with kids at hand. I see our lives becoming more blessed and our souls growing together as a family for years to come. Truth be told, I am excited to be a grandmother. I am excited to see them bloom, grow and love. For I love them and everything about them and everything they’ve done for my soul
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